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28 year old man dating 18 year old Can a 27-year-old man have a romantic relationship with a 18-year-old girl?

Can a 27 guy have a love relationship with a GIRL that is 8 years and 10 months younger then him? Can a 18 girl have a love relationship with a man 8 years and 10 months older then her?

Can they love? Can they have sex? Can they marry? They met 12 years and 2 months ago. They met when they were younger. They waited! People say it can't work now but can it work? Can they love? Can they have a love relationship now? Is the age gap bad or fine? Tell us ways to think about the age difference in a great way!

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39 Answers
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Can it work? Sure. It can. With all the many types of people in this world, it's totally possible that you could find a 27 year old man who would be compatible with an 18 year old woman. Maybe you're that couple. Maybe.

But, you should be aware of the challenges you'll hit.
  • Difference in relationship history. Most 27 year olds have had serious relationships. This 18 year old is probably totally new to relationships. Even if you haven't, no doubt you have many friends who have been in serious relationships. Hers may be formed through movies and the few trivial relationships her friends have had in high school. You're walking in with a different set of knowledge and expectations.
  • Difference in relationship goals. It's often advised that people wait until they're 25 - 28 to get married (minimizes the risk of divorce). Are you willing to wait 7 - 10 years?
  • Difference in life goals. She's either just starting college or just entered the real world. She probably has little understanding of what she wants to do with her life. You have so much more knowledge (hopefully) of where you're going.
  • Power dynamic. This is the one that worries me the most. Often times, when there's a significant age difference, the younger person (particularly if this person is female) will end up "looking up" or "deferring to" the older person. She may see you not as an equal, but rather as an expert in all things. She may even start to feel uncomfortable admitting when things in the relationship (sexual or otherwise) make her nervous because she doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of an "expert" and show just how young she is.
  • Life Changes: People go through a lot of changing in the first few years after their 18th birthday. This is their first time living independently and not being in high school. She has a lot of changing to do. The person you love now may change a lot in the next few years.
  • Holding Her Back: See the above comment about how much she's going to change. If she's dating someone who she sees as "older and wiser," she may be held back from these changes. She needs to experience independence.
So, yes, it's a bad idea for an 18 year old woman to date a 27 year old man. There are just so many issues.

Then again, when did anyone not pursue a relationship because it's a bad idea? ;-)

If you really like her, you're going to go for this relationship regardless of what anyone says. Given that, please try to remember what I've said here about the power dynamic and holding her back.
  • Encourage her to be independent. 
  • Establish yourself as an equal, not as someone who's older and wiser.
  • Be aware that she might not see you that way anyway.
  • Observe the Campsite Rule (see Site de rencontre gratuite dans le nord): "at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in "better shape than they found them". This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever education that can be provided."
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Congratulations! You're in love and you're consenting adults.

Just one bit of advice: Do not get married. Do. Not. Do it!

Do not marry until she's 25 or 26.  Others, like Dating templates joomla 5 flash, have mentioned the peculiar way people tend to change in their twenties. It's really true and it's really unpredictable.

If you remain unmarried and break up, neither of you will be forced to deal with the ugly realities of divorce, including child custody and lawyers.

Nota bene: She will want to get married. She'll push and wheedle for it. Her parents and friends will pressure for it. But if you have even the tiniest sense of self-preservation -- put off marriage for at least 7 years.
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It is possible. Will Durant was 28 when he married Ariel Durant, and she was 15.  He resigned his job as a schoolteacher because he had fallen in love with a student. She rollerskated to the wedding. They were inseparable and devoted, wrote the ten volume "Story of Civilization", jointly won the Pulitzer Prize, and received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Gerald Ford. They were married almost 70 years, and died two weeks apart.
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Whether or not a relationship can work depends on the individuals involved. You have to consider how compatible they are. Do they have similar values? Do they have interests in common? Are they looking for similar things at this point in their lives?

The last one is often the sticking point. Younger people and older people may be at different stages of their lives. But if they're exceptions to the rule -- maybe the younger person wants to settle down, or the older person wants to party -- it doesn't have to be a big deal.

On your other questions, I don't know of anywhere in the world where an 18-year-old is unable to legally consent to sex or marriage.
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Anonymous
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My first Quora anon answer because it involves another person, whom I'm still responsible to protect.

OK. Same situation, from a girl perspective.

I met my first love when I was 17, he was 26. We were 8-9 years apart. We were together for 6 years. Broke up when I was 23. I'm now 28. Still single.

In short, do not listen to anyone. It's your life. People on Quora saying yes won't have pity on you when your heart aches. People outside judging no won't repay you a meaningful relationship when you backdown in fears. Be a man, step up for your heart, give full effort and take no regret.

Factors that are likely to make it work:
- Meet years ago
- Had feeling but communicated and agreed to wait (and made it so far)

Factors that are irrelevant, but will lead to stress if you care too much:

- Others' judgement: we met in Church. He had a bad reputation of past relationships. Warmhearted ladies came to me and told me not to start with him.  People asked my fellowship coach to stop us. Expect these along the way for at least the first 2 years if you two are in an judgmental community.

- Age gap: I personally feel nothing about the gap.

Factors that are relevant, and needed to work on:

- Compatibility: You two are surely compatible now. But differences arises in time, which happens in all relationship. However, in the case with an age gap of a decade, the difference may come too quick and too big for a relationship to bear. Will she go to college soon? Any chance for you to work in other city? In my own case, we started when I was in high school and he doesn't have a degree, which I was absolutely fine with. But when I went to college and finally grad school, we start to have difficulty in conversations.

- Your maturity: I'm sorry but I have to say that, from your way of asking question, I finally understand my ex didn't have any idea when we started. This is not something bad. But an 18 year old girl do treat a 27 year old man as mature and reliable so much so that she may put all her problems and stress on you. I'm 28 now and if I'm with a man 9 years older than me, I know I have my way of living and I'm independent, responsible for and capable of taking care of my own stuff. I have extra to invest in the relationship. You may need to do all these like a single parent.

- Sex: Yes if you both know what's going on and can enjoy it for itself. But mind that girls at 18 generally do not have a very stable emotion. Wait until she's really comfortable to have it. You don't want to handle more stress resulted from her emotions. Also, if you two take the relation seriously, good to discuss how will you both deal with it in case of pregnancy.

I like 's answer, in particular the Campsite Rule (). I was left being cheated on, feeling more unsecured and I had to take up the job to break up a very bad relationship even I'm the younger one. It took me 4 years to want to start dating again.
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